Sometime ago we decided that when we had our own mules we would attend a TS Mules Clinic put on by Ty and Skye Evans. Ty and Skye traverse these fine United States teaching mule skills to people with mule problems and mules with people problems. We first encountered TS Mules through some of their videos and DVD's but later got a chance to meet them in person at the 2017 Bishop Mule Days. It just so happened that TS Mules came to California's Gold Rush area and we jumped on the chance to attend...what do I mean "jumped on" you ask??? The Father flew home from Texas and his travels with The Mother to attend this clinic...That's right, The Father interrupted a vacation for this so it must be good.
So we loaded up Millie and Calamity Jane and headed for the hills of Angels Camp. I should probably note that since The Father flew home, I am in charge of transportation and towing of the aforementioned mules. Some of you might recall a trip two years ago where The Father let me drive home and the momentous event that was. It's like that, only slightly less exciting because we're driving my 2002 Ford F350 which is significantly less plush and comfortable than The Father's new Ford F150...BUT! I'm being allowed to drive and while towing the mules nonetheless.
We arrived in Angels Camp and found our way to the Calaveras County Fairgrounds. The Calaveras Fairgrounds are famous all the world round for the Calaveras County Fair and Frog Jumping Jubilee that is held here annually...yes it really is a Frog Jumping Jubilee - https://www.frogtown.org/about - and yes they really jump frogs - https://www.frogtown.org/untitled-cz6x.
With the mules tucked in for the night, we scurried off and got settled in our room for some desperately needed shuteye...I may have been both a tad excited about this trip to mingle with other fine mule folk and simultaneously worried about forgetting something leading me to a fitful prior night's feeble attempt at sleep. We awoke somewhat glazed over, lukewarm, and sluggish at the crack of 0615 hours, which for a semi-retired guy is dang early let me tell you. We had our coffee, packed our lunches and headed back to the fairgrounds to feed our trusty steeds. Mules fed...check....checked into the clinic...check....signed our lives away with required waivers....apparently they've heard about our rides before...but, yes, check that one off too. While wandering the grounds waiting for the mules to finish breakfast I learned that the fairgrounds were playing host to another annual event this lovely winter's day when I was told about the 700 elementary age school kids set to defend upon us shortly for "Ag Day." It appeared that Ag Day was a chance for not so city kids to get out and see various farm type exhibits, poke fluffy animals, and get a lecture on fire safety from Smokey Bear. I will just say that 700 elementary age kids are pretty dang loud even when in the great outdoors. The mules did not seem terribly impressed either and took to braying in what I can only assume was an attempt to drown the kids out...it didn't work and only served to wind the kids up and make them even louder...if that's possible.
We gathered the mules and headed into the arena where we were greeted by 13 other participants and their respective mules. In the lull before the big show I found myself fighting with CJ over her attempts to eat the pine shavings that were covering the arena floor. About the third time she managed to sneak a mouthful...seriously, this is like trying to keep a 2 year old from eating anything that even sort of resembles food while crawling on the floor...I see what I think is a chunk of shavings sticking out of her lip. Upon attempting to remove it I quickly realize that not only is it not a piece of wood shavings, but it is actually attached to her and...of...course...it's a tooth! Yep, sometime overnight CJ managed to rip one of her lower teeth out and it was now hanging by a chunk of gum out of the side of her mouth. Now mind you, this isn't dissuading her from trying to eat shavings and she generally doesn't seem too bothered by it but it does look mighty nasty and I, being a barely post-virginal mule owner, feel slightly panicked by this turn of events. I'd post a picture but I'm afraid we might lose readership.
Multiple consultations with various onsite mule experts all results in the same..."huh, I've never seen anything like that before"... followed by a call to the closest emergency ranch vet. I'm promised a rapid response and begin tabulating the available credit on every credit card I own in an effort to plan how I am going to fund this latest mule adventure. This doesn't stop me from working my way through the clinic and CJ generally plays along and at least sort of goes with the program...well at least until it's time to leave...and then all hell breaks loose because Millie got too far ahead of her and she was certain she was going to be left behind. I'm pretty sure the devil himself possessed CJ as she set to bucking, kicking, and rearing all while hollering what sounded like the armies of satan's death march. More than once she proceeded to drag me through the fairgrounds in an effort to close the gap between her and Millie...We call that being herd bound or buddy sour and any way you look at it, it really sucks because it can make your mule act like a petulant child or be possessed by the devil...like happened in my case. Did I mention that I'd been holding my back my need to pee since about 5 minutes into the clinic? Look, don't be all "you're an adult, can't you take yourself to the potty, whatever potty joke you want to insert here" with me...I told you, I was excited and I've reached that point in life where my bladder has two modes...I don't have to potty and I needed to potty five minutes ago...there is literally nothing in between, so we more or less have two emergencies on our hands at this point. Oh, did I also mention 700 screaming children with the requisite mothers with small children and fathers accompanying them as chaperons? At this point there was literally a mother with two small children that leaped a fence to get away from me with CJ in tow...well more like CJ with me in tow. Yes I was polite, I even said "That's probably a good idea ma'am, I apologize for any inconvenience"...well, at least thats what it sounded like in my head. It was probably closer to..."Holly Hell, run for your lives!" Regardless, I was giving warnings right?
I no sooner get CJ back to the pen, strip out of my now sweat soaked jacket, and start high stepping it to the little boys room when I see the father waving me down from afar while yelling that the vet had arrived...don't need to go potty, needed to potty now 3 hours and 45 minutes ago...guess we aren't going to potty now.
The lovely, kind and patient Dr. Wulzer arrived from Angels Camp Vet Hospital and set to examining CJ while I filled out the required paperwork, credit check, and title to my first born child. Dr. Wulzer relays her findings and inquires as to CJ's future show potential. Apparently a missing tooth is a big no go in equine show requirements and the good doctor is inquiring as to the level of concern that I have with that possible outcome. I reassure the vet that it is equally possible CJ will kill me before we ever get to the show stage and reassure her that a missing tooth isn't going to offend anyone on any of the trails we ride. We, and I do mean we because mule tooth extraction is not a one person job, now set to making preparations for field surgery...yep...$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$....did I bring the title to my truck with me and will they take that as partial payment?
I really cannot say it enough, Dr. Wulzer was wonderful, very calm, explained everything and asked lots of questions...pretty much made me consider appointing her on the spot as my primary care physician what with the current state of health care in America. Two rounds a sedation, a local anesthetic block, lots of irrigating, and what seemed like a mountain of meds, extremely detailed aftercare instructions, and a whole crap-ton of stuff I'm forgetting because I was faint with worry about the price of this venture and I am now the proud owner of a mule with a funky smile and a missing tooth. Fearing the worst as the bill was detailed and added up, I was pleasantly surprised when the total only came to a little over three hundred bucks. Seriously folks, that'll barely get you a ranch call in our neck of the woods. I even got to keep the tooth, though The Father brought up a legitimate question. Does the tooth go under her pillow or mine?
Well that pretty much wraps not only day one but my entire three day clinic experience because CJ and I will be riding the pine as she recovers from what had to be a very traumatic experience. I know it was traumatic for me at the very least. Have you ever seen a mule with a hangover? Looks pretty much the same as a person...head resting against the fence, drool coming out of the corner of the mouth, mumbling something about I swear I'll never do this again...and that doesn't even start to tell you what was going on with CJ.
Get along little doggies and tune in next time for the exciting continuation of...So you had to go to a mule clinic.
