Today's episode is brought to you by ISIS's Consumer Fraud Division...Renting unwanted cars without your permission since 1999.
Yep, that's right folks. I awoke today to the good news that my credit card had been used to rent a car in some far off land where I am not presently traveling at. Thanks to the lovely folks at Visa, the transaction was stopped and I was saved any real pain other than being on the road without my credit card...oh bother...
We now return you to your previously scheduled broadcast.
Yes folks! it is true. The Mule Chronicles are ON THE ROAD AGAIN and posting from beautiful Elko, Nevada...where dreams go to die. In all seriousness, it is a gorgeous Saturday sunny morning here in Nevada and an excellent opportunity to embrace my inner millennial and stay inside on my computer in order to up date my fans around the world (stop laughing, I have Facebook friends that live overseas so I am now calling this an international blog.). We even have a logo.
Yesterday started like any trip normally starts..waking up at 0500 in the morning because you're so excited you can't sleep. Even "The Wife" woke up early, which I'm taking as she's excited for me too not that she's excited for me to leave...stop it, that's just not nice. I got around and packed the 47 things I forgot to pack in last night's load and prepared to be at the "The Parent's" house no later than the pre-appointed 0800 hours. You see, in my family when "The Father" says 0800 he really means more like anytime after 0600 but definitely no later than 0730. Being the good son that I am, I know that breakfast treats for the road are always a welcome addition and of course I'm going to stop for the favorite blueberry old-fashioned donuts cuz I'm pretty sure they are "The Father's" favorites and I am the "desperately seeking affirmation, over achieving" first born after all.
"The Wife" agrees to drive me to "The Parent's" so as to avoid leaving stray cars strewn about Brentwood and lovingly helps me pack all of the last minute items I couldn't live without. WAIT!!!!!
I just remembered I need to rant a little!
MCDONALDS STOPPED MAKING THE GRAND MAC HAMBURGER!!!!!! SERIOUSLY? I was totally craving the Grand Mac because it is the Big Mac of my childhood...you know...before the Big Mac became two puny regular hamburgers crammed together with special sauce and a smattering of what they imply is lettuce and pickles. So the exchange goes something like this...
Micky D - Welcome to McDonald's, what can I get you?
Scotty D - I'll have the Grand Mac, sandwich only please.
Micky D - Yeah, so we stopped serving that like two weeks ago (In a tone that clearly conveys I'm an idiot for not knowing that.
Scotty D - ......long silence followed by deep sigh......
Micky D - Sir? Are you still there?
Scotty D - It's a drive-thru Mr. Wizard where else would I be? (so this was in my head, but still...duh!)
Micky D - Sir?
Scotty D - You're freaking kidding me right?
Micky D - No sir. I'm sorry. Would you like a regular Big Mac?
Scotty D - ...fine...And a Filet of Fish...and don't be skimping on the tarter sauce!...I know where you work! (Ok, so maybe this is a little bit of a Falling Down movie inspired dream of my interaction with Micky D but I really wanted a Grand Mac dammit!)
Ok, enough, I'm starting to have flashbacks and meat sweats.
So I arrive at "The Parent's" fully expecting to see the father sitting in the driver's seat of the RV ready to go and yelling "Where have you been, I've been ready since 4 am." But, this is not what I find. I find the motor home still parked in it's birth, the truck parked nearby and the father nowhere to be found. I immediately panic and demand that "The Mother" tell me what she has done to "The Father." Of course I get, "How should I know what he's doing. He's out there somewhere" as she lazily motions to the backyard with her craned pointy finger.
Upon finding "The Father" and inquiring about not finding him idling in the street waiting for my arrival he tells me "yeah, I just don't get that worked up about getting down the road anymore. I figure it will still be there when I get there."
Of course...I am utterly dumbfounded by this. Seriously people. This isn't my father. My Father was the king of "making good time" and the 0'dark thirty traveling start. Like literally everything would be gone if we didn't get on the road and get moving in short order.
MY ENTIRE CHILDHOOD WAS A LIE!!!!!!!
I quickly adjust to this new, alternate "reality" and pitch in to get things loaded and hooked up and we are able to hit the road at the crack of....wait for it....NINE...TWENTY....SEVEN.....sigh. Clearly I have some adjusting to do.
We be bop on down the road with the familiar traveling music that is SirusXM's old-timey county music station. I quickly realize that the real reason for "The Father's" new found patience with travel schedules is that you don't get anywhere quickly in the motor home. While the motor home provides a high degree of "Cowboy Comfort" it comes at a cost to travel efficiency and speed. Thus, I learn yet another lesson from "The Father"... If you can't travel the speed you want, you better want the speed you can travel at. Touché father, still taking me to school 46 years later.
We make one scheduled detour for a stop at the D bar M Western Store in Reno, Nevada. Those of you that tuned in over the off season for the Reno Nevada special episode might recall the D bar M as the birthplace of Scotty D learns to rope and an encounter with a very attractive clerk whose roping skills truly cut my "City Slicker" cowboy ways to the quick. Lucky for me she was not there, but there was what was clearly a ranching family discussing their son's bull riding awards. Needless to say I felt very inadequate looking through the western shirts in my Real Tree camo hoodie, Duluth Trading blue jeans and New Balance sneakers. It didn't keep my from buying a new vest and a horn bag. Hey, I need some stuff for the trail. I might need to start a chain of "city folk" western stores where us common folk can play cowboy all we want without the fear of judgement from those who earned the title of cowboy as the result of generations of hard won battles with the land and the beasts the roam upon it.
We arrived in our RV stop for the night and quickly got settled before indulging in a steak dinner. I should point out that "The Mother" acquired the steaks for said dinner and they were awesome. So awesome that it would've taken the power of the sun to cook them through had we not decided to butterfly them. Seriously, these things were like 3" think and about a pound each...oh, and they were Fillet's....I know right....like I said....AWESOME FESTIVAL OF BEEF ON TOP OF THE MULE CHRONICLES PLANNED ADVENTURE!!!!!!! Totes lucky me!
A little Ty Evans "In The Saddle" mule riding videos wrapped up a great day and thus ends another episode of The Mule Chronicles. Tune in tomorrow for the harrowing account of our arrival in Utah.
Oh, I almost forgot. We have a destination for this mule adventure...MOAB!!!! Seriously! Bucket List!
ps - "The Father" proclaimed the blueberry old-fashioned donut "the best of all the donuts." YES! I am validated again.
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